Family Portrait
by TheWhiteCrayon
Summary: When Beck and Jade break up, Jade looks back on her childhood and how her parents got divorced. ONESHOT. -Based on the song 'family portrait' by Pink. Not a sequel/companion piece of 'some scars never fade'. Happening in a completely different universe.


Family Portrait

**disclaimer: I obviously don't own the victorious-character Jade, nor the song family portrait. **

I remember the shouting late at night. I was only six years old, but I remember it. It would be dark in my room, but I'd still be awake, hearing every word. I always covered my ears with my hands. But it couldn't shield me from the sound of breaking glass and slamming doors. Eventually, when I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I would vow my hands and trust only God with my worries. "Please God," I remember the exact first line I would always start with. "Please forgive them. They don't mean those nasty things they've said."

I remember one night in particular. I heard the front door slam shut and after that it became quiet. I slid myself out of my bed and walked down the stairs on my bare feet. I was still hugging my pillow when I opened the door to the living room. My mom was there. She sat on the couch, with her face buried in her hands. Her shoulders were shaking evenly, and she was producing tiny sobs. "Mommy?" I whispered. "Mommy don't cry!" She looked up from her lap, her face stained in tears. I couldn't bear seeing her like that. She quickly wiped her cheeks. "Jade! I didn't hear you coming." She tried to steady her voice, but I could hear the hurt hidden in it. I threw myself in her arms. "I'm sorry mommy, please don't cry!" I whispered. She embraced me, gently rocking my frame. "I'm so sorry darling, I'm so, so sorry." The pain inside her voice cut right through my soul. "It's okay mommy. It's okay." I hushed her. For a while, we just held each other. But I couldn't stand the silence. I couldn't stand the heaviness it brought over us. "Mommy? Why did daddy go away?" Mommy didn't say anything. I felt teardrops falling down on my head. "Mommy, don't cry! Daddy will be back!" I said. But mommy didn't say anything. She didn't deny what I said, but she didn't confirm it either. And that scared me. It scared me more than ever, because for the first time, the fear crept onto me that maybe, he might just wouldn't be back, this time.

The next day, daddy picked me up from school. I got in the car with him and, like I always do, I cut right to the chase. "Daddy, you have to make mommy stop crying." My dad looked bewildered at me. I felt the tears stinging behind my eyes. "I can hear her at night." I whispered. My dad stopped the car on the side of the road. He sighed deeply. I followed his example. "Jade, honey, listen. When two people, like your mom and me, have been together for as long as we have, they..." he paused, looking for the right words to say. "They get mad and they yell at each other." I finished for him. I hated when my dad yelled. I couldn't stand the sound. My dad smiled bitterly. "Yeah. But, you and Jack fight a lot too, don't you?" I thought about my big brother for a moment. "Yeah, I guess we do." I said. My dad looked satisfied. "But we always make up, because we love each other." I said. "Do you love my mommy?" my voice was pleading. A stinging pain filled his eyes, but he didn't answer me. "Mommy loves you." I whispered. "Even if she doesn't say it. And so do I. And so does Jack." my voice was thick with tears. "I love you too, Jade. I love you and Jack with all of my heart, don't you ever forget that." daddy said. We drove back home in silence. I was completely aware of the fact that he never answered my question. But I wasn't sure if I still wanted to know that answer. I was too afraid it might be something I didn't want to hear.

I remember sitting on the steps of our school house. I hadn't known where else to go. I was holding my plusher dinosaur close to me. It was the only stuffed animal I owned, and I hardly ever even touched this one. But at that moment I needed it. It didn't take long before my dad found me. He sat down next to me. "Jade, you can't just run away like that. You know that." His voice was firm but understanding. "You're running away like that, too." I said. My dad sighed deeply and, like always, so did I. It would have been a rather cute sight, if the situation hadn't been so sad. "Daddy, why can't we just work it out?" I whispered. My dad stroke my cheek. "Honey, I wish we could, but it's just not that simple." he claimed. "But we're a family." I said with tears in my eyes. "We can do anything, if we pull together." My dad laid his arm over my shoulder. "Please daddy. Please don't leave."

I looked at the old, worn photo. In our family portrait we look pretty happy. What a big, fat lie. "Hey, honey, what are you looking at?" My dad stepped into my room, holding a suitcase. It was moving day. I held up the photo. He nodded. "You were happy then, right?" I asked. My dad nodded again. "I was." he said. "Then let's go back to that." I whispered. "Jade..." he started. "Dad please! I'll do anything!" I said. "Mommy will be nicer and I'll be so much better, so will Jack, I'll tell him. I won't spill the milk and I'll go to sleep at night and I'll do everything right! Please don't leave."

My dad left that evening, never to come back. I didn't want him to anymore, either. And I didn't want to meet his stupid knew wife two years later and I didn't want to meet her stupid kid. I didn't need him around anymore. I didn't need family, and I especially didn't need love. I had seen what it'd done to my family, and I didn't need it to destroy me as well. Which is why I decided never to let anyone in anymore. If you did, people could grow close to you, and you could love them. And love was not reliable. More than that, it was dangerous.

All of this shot through my head when Beck asked me to be his girlfriend for the first time. I remembered every stinging little memory, bringing back all of the fear and all of the pain, still as sharp as ever. I remembered it all. And all of it made me say one little word, tasting o so bitter in my mouth. "No."

I bit back my tears, as I was driving home from Tori's. Alone. I sighed deeply. I should have kept firm when I said that.


End file.
